If you’ve ever called yourself an idiot (like me), then you’ve probably kicked yourself for doing something stupid. More often than not, its probably not the first time that you’ve done it either. Why is this the case? Because humans are creatures of habit. This is nothing new really, but sometimes I wonder if we take the time to think about our habits.
Better yet, we probably don’t think about them in a way that changes our behavior. Well, that’s what this post is here to change.
Ever watch a movie that has a scary moment in it? I’ll admit I haven’t seen very many, mostly because I think horror movies are a waste of oxygen. Be that as it may, if you’ve ever seen something startling in a film, it probably had that desired effect the first time you saw it.
Meaning, see it once, get scared. See it again, and yawn.
Why did this happen? At first, you were scared out of your wits (for me, this was Bilbo trying to grab the ring from Frodo in Lord of the Rings). After the first time though, well, that’s just crazy old Bilbo grabbing the ring again.
You’ve seen it before, so the effect is lost.
But what if we looked at our Actions this way? Or our Thoughts? If we could recognize that anything we want to change has been done before, and that we’ve seen it play out in our lives over and over again, then we can change that scene and make it better. I mean, why have a sucky ending to your life? Make the scene and thus the behavior what you want it to be.
How do you do that? Here’s the breakdown.
1. Take a look at your negative habitual Actions, Thoughts or Words.
2. Look at the triggers that happen before those Words, Actions or Thougts.
3. Once you’ve set the “scene” you know when its coming. You’ve seen it before, so you know what’s going to happen.
4. Decide how you want your future to turn out, i.e. How you want to change things, and make an effort to change your future.
If you think about how you want your future to go, and how its been acted out in the past, you can change the scene by implementing a new script. The key is recognizing what happens before the problem issue, remembering how this event has happened before, and then deciding how you want the event to turn out in the future.
Do this enough times, and you can change your habits.
P.S. – Speaking of movies and TV, over the course of the next few weeks, I am going to be seeking out counselors portrayed in TV and movies, and tearing them a new one. Why? Because people have a warped perception of therapy based on what they see on movies and TV, so its only fitting for a therapist to go and talk about the inconsistencies in these portrayals.
Right. One you realize that whatever can happen has happened to you before, you take out the emotions (in this case the anxiety I hope). You understand that the risk is not that big and you relax. Just don’t do it for movies: you might ruin a good movie 🙂
Eduard
Eduard,
I dunno, my first “movie shrink” target is the one from Kate & Leopold. This guy is scrunched up at his desk, eating Grape Nuts in session. So he’s the first to taste my wrath! 🙂
Jim, Your comment, “The key is recognizing what happens before the problem issue, remembering how this event has happened before, and then deciding how you want the event to turn out in the future,” really hit home with me. I think I have to “return and repeat,” sometimes to learn a lesson.
Someone said that crazy is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. That’s me!
Thanks for this thought.
Julie
After movies & tv, you might also look at some current literature. There are some interesting “shrinks” in books as well. (I like the quietness of the ones in the Robert Parker novels.)
No problem Julie! Einstein was the one who said insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I’ve done a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy style video of this concept, but its so not done yet. 🙂
Julie,
I used to read a lot of novels before I worked as a shrink. If you have suggestions and can shoot me over some book titles, I’ll feed them to my wife, who devours entire novels in 24 hours. 🙂