There are a lot of flaws and difficulties in some parenting, no doubts. Children aren’t easy and they sure as heck don’t come with an instruction manual. Sometimes a little common sense is necessary, and realizing that the goal of parenting (from a purely cognitive behavioral standpoint, mind you) is to raise your child so they are safe, sane, and healthy and are able to provide these things for others.

Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say a large subset of kids learn the traditional way and are self motivated. And/Or their parents provide the type of structure, incentives and attention for appropriate school behavior and homework doing. Other kids struggle more, have different interests and capabilities and stumbling blocks. So kids need to be approached with the individual issues in mind.

Too many parents are loathe to manipulate the motivational tools (intrinsic or extrinsic) because they cannot say “no” to their child, appear unable to face their child’s disapproval, anger, acting out, etc.

Withholding skate park time, in effect, comes down to saying no and sticking to it, no matter how much the child protests. Some parents simply will not do this, have never done this, shrink from this most difficult part of parenting. And completing homework, or turning in assignments, or studying for a test, or getting to bed at a decent hour .. these require the above. Setting limits and expecting compliance.

Then there are a variety of learning delays that interfere. The child requires additional incentives besides the “intrinsic” ones because those have been beaten down.

I could go on (can you tell?) but all this to say, I agree with your reasoning and believe in what you advocate.

Thank you for your dedication to teaching! Its not an easy job, and I can appreciate the hard work put into helping people learn. I think motivation is the biggest key here, because we as human beings are motivated by different factors. Whether you’re 8 or 48, you do what you do because you believe that somehow your life will be good, better or status quo as a result of those choices. Same thing goes for learning. I feel as though younger children tend to enjoy learning much more because they still have a lot to learn about the world, and they accept that. When they get older, I think something happens, whether its peer influence or distractions that lead children to not care as much. Every kid is different, and it may have to come down to parents being creative in making learning fun.