Comments on: Boundaries and Fences: A Visual Comparison

By: jimvalerilmhc

jimvalerilmhc — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:31:14 +0000

Peggi,

Quite right! I think one needs to come to that revelation in order to be able to set those boundaries with others. Once you realized that you were worthy of being respected, it sounds like you were freed from your own beliefs about yourself, which seemed to affect how others saw you as well.

Good stuff, and great to hear that you applied boundaries in a way that made your life much better!

By: Peggikaye

Peggikaye — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 18:34:38 +0000

A few years ago, I realized that boundaries were desperately needed. As I tried to figure out what boundaries and with whom I realized that I was dealing with respect. If they won’t acknowlege the boundary …they are completely disrespecting me. I can’t grow and move forward in my life with everyone disrespecting me (or with many disrespecting me) As I realized I was simply asking, in a respectful way that they be respectful to me …it got much easier.
A key was …realizing I was WORTHY of being respected.

By: jimvalerilmhc

jimvalerilmhc — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:25:08 +0000

Glad to see you liked it Sandy! I’ve had a lot of clients tell me they just don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries, and I really think this hits the nail on the head. I think for future reference, I’m going to try to use more visual aids, because people learn differently. For example, I was using diagrams to help my couples as of late, and I have to say, its a lot more fun than the standard “Description, Assessment, Plan” notes I’m used to. They seem to like it too, because it gives them a way to take the idea home with them.

By: sandyphd

sandyphd — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 04:01:56 +0000

I do like the 2ft high fences vs. the thick brick walls. The visual is a great therapy aid. And how about fences made of paper? Pour a little alcohol on them (holiday tables) and watch those fences lay down sopping wet. Bricks and mortar. I like that.

By: jimvalerilmhc

jimvalerilmhc — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 21:45:04 +0000

Julie,

No problem! I think boundaries are such a tricky thing to manage with those you love, and they don’t really teach you about them in school, work or anywhere else for that matter. She may not understand why you don’t get out when she does, but she’ll probably understand the boundary. Kids are smart, and they catch on quick, so with any luck, things will turn around for you. Either way, I’m rooting for you!

By: Julie, the Digital Marketing Diva

Julie, the Digital Marketing Diva — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:44:17 +0000

Thank you for sharing the bone that God threw you. Your insight is very helpful.

I’ve recently been trying to set some boundaries with my daughter regarding my work. She is in school all day and expects me to be done with work when she is done with school – which is usually not the case.

I usually fix snacks and talk with her and her brothers when they come home and then go back to my office, which has been hard for her. I think your analogy of the different fences will help her. Thanks again