There seems to be a recurring theme this week with my clients. I am amazed at how many people really do treat their significant others poorly just by how they talk to them. Not even kidding, I’ve seen people over and over not want to solve the problem, but merely be validated in their quest to show that they are right, and their partner is wrong. Its a debate really, with no winners or losers, just people getting angry.
So here’s my two cents worth. First, recognize that as much as you think your partner deserves vomit friendly goodness, they probably think the same thing about you. Or if they don’t, your attitude could commence with the ralphing sooner rather than later. Assess your own attitude about how you’re approaching your partner. It could be that you play a role in this. In fact, its actually more likely than not. Relationships are a two way street, and even if your partner is in the wrong, your response is still a crucial role to how an argument plays out.
Second, figure out what makes you sick, and communicate it appropriately to your partner. Try this old-as-dirt formula: I feel ___________, because when ___________ happens, it reminds me of _______________. The purpose of this is to communicate how you feel to your partner, not to change their behavior. That’s their repsonsibility. Love is a choice, and your partner has to choose to listen to your feelings and change behavior (that’s two things, really) or choose not to.
You can control what you say and do, so remember those things when you’re trying to share your feelings with someone you love. I may be doing a series on this, so stay tuned! 🙂